Exactly one year ago, my boyfriend and I decided to leave everything behind us and travel for a year.
But, while in France we decided to come home 4 weeks early.
He insisted we come home because the flight from Paris to Montreal was only $200- a bargain!
I didn’t even care... I was in France eating cheese and drinking wine.
I felt like I had finally found myself after a year of travelling and truly understood what made me happy (aka cheese and wine).
Looking back I realized that travelling opened my eyes to new possibilities.
I love waking up in the morning and doing what I want to do.
Not what my boss wants from me. Not what society tells us “we should be doing.”
I actually enjoy waking up, working out, drinking coffee and planning my day in order to get what really motivates me done! #GIRLBOSS
So when we decided to come back home because of this great deal, I remember asking him “So what’s the plan?”
When I met him 4 years ago, I was living in a remote area because I had found work there. And so maybe unconsciously I stayed there longer than I should have. I never wanted to live there forever so when I met him I felt like he was my best friend/support system I needed while living there.
Coming back home meant that either one of us decides to move somewhere for our relationship to work or that we decide together where we want to live.
Me: “So what’s the plan?”
Him: “We are going to figure it out. I love you and I want to be with you, so we will make it work.”
… Okay, fine.
Subconsciously I knew that didn’t make sense. But my heart loved hearing those words. It meant that there was still hope for this relationship to work.
He told me he wanted to do long-distance for now until we figured it out.
But when we got back to the city, he took the first bus out of there.
And when I dropped him off at the bus station, I knew in my heart this was goodbye.
I told him crying “Why do I feel like this is it?”
And then he said “Don’t worry. See you in 5 weeks. I love you.”
Just in that moment, the thought that I might never see him again… it felt worse than death... But this time, this last time, it felt final.
A week went by and I had already gotten a new job and was hanging out with my friends when he finally called me to say “I just want to live here. I’ll build us a house and I’ll wait for you… until you’re ready.”
For my friend Julia (a hopeless romantic) this phrase would make her move back there for love.
But for me, that sentence was the only closure I needed.
He knew I had no intentions of going back there and yet after 4 years he still had hope that I would.
That was enough closure for me.
I didn’t want someone to wait for me. I wanted someone to grow next to me.
And when we ended it over a Basha kebab one Friday night, he asked me, “Are you happy?”
I said “You know what? I actually really am! I’m having the time of my life. I’m visiting my city like a tourist and I’m going out with my friends who get me. I’m not scared of speaking my mind and I finally feel like I fit in.”
He was speechless.
I think in the back of his mind he always hoped that I would follow him. Or that I would learn to love living in a remote area with him.
But in that moment, he knew that me returning back to a region with him was clearly impossible.
We both knew it was over.
We didn’t have to say anything else.
And at that point I had never felt so liberated in my life.